A wonderful read...
The starting point for me in creating positive changes in my life.
Legalize Trans
Monday, October 11, 2010
Shift Your Thinking
I wonder sometimes why I make life so difficult. That's new for me.
I used to wonder why life was so difficult.
My dream dog came into my life a few months ago. I wasn't looking for a dog. There are already four cats in the house and I'm simply tired of litter boxes and hair everywhere... not that I love them any less but I do feel as if it is enough pet care in my life. But the dog... a 12 pound Chinese Crested... a bit neurotic and very high energy. While running in the backyard he loves to pick up twigs and sticks, not as a toy but as a snack. The neurotic in me fears splinters in his throat but I want to maintain the intention of this post.
As autumn sets in, squirrels are enjoying the unearthing of buried walnuts from the neighbor's tree. Baxter loves the shells and are his new favorite object of ingestion. Every trip outside turns into a game of keep-away and it is clear in those moments who is alpha at times... he's quicker and actually enjoys running back and forth making me look clumsy and awkward.
The battle is even more ridiculous at night. I think he has secret night vision. Either that or he is part bloodhound in his heightened olfaction. Either way, for the past few weeks, I have been silently cursing the squirrels for depositing the remnants across the yard.
The other night I shifted the words in my mind. It was a conscious decision to do so as I seem to have a natural predilection towards negative thought patterns. I acknowledged my fondness for the squirrels as I do like watching them. However, as with the cats, there will be work involved in my part of the relationship. I thought to myself how much easier it could be if there was an agreed-upon drop-off location. I continued to scan the ground for walnut shells as I imagined finding a neat little pile of shells all gathered for me.
It did not work quite that literally, but the next morning I took Baxter out as usual. I heard the familiar gnawing coming from the tree branches overhead and sighed. Without thinking, I walked with Baxter in his usual figure-eight pattern, a now familiar ritual he insists upon. I heard the squirrel squeak from above and looked up to see him drop the shell about two feet in front of me. I picked it up before Baxter even had a chance.
I like to think the squirrel looked down and winked at me... it would make a cute ending to this tale.
Manifestation.
We are what we think... just as we are what we eat.
It really can be that simple. Believe it. Try it.
I used to wonder why life was so difficult.
My dream dog came into my life a few months ago. I wasn't looking for a dog. There are already four cats in the house and I'm simply tired of litter boxes and hair everywhere... not that I love them any less but I do feel as if it is enough pet care in my life. But the dog... a 12 pound Chinese Crested... a bit neurotic and very high energy. While running in the backyard he loves to pick up twigs and sticks, not as a toy but as a snack. The neurotic in me fears splinters in his throat but I want to maintain the intention of this post.
As autumn sets in, squirrels are enjoying the unearthing of buried walnuts from the neighbor's tree. Baxter loves the shells and are his new favorite object of ingestion. Every trip outside turns into a game of keep-away and it is clear in those moments who is alpha at times... he's quicker and actually enjoys running back and forth making me look clumsy and awkward.
The battle is even more ridiculous at night. I think he has secret night vision. Either that or he is part bloodhound in his heightened olfaction. Either way, for the past few weeks, I have been silently cursing the squirrels for depositing the remnants across the yard.
The other night I shifted the words in my mind. It was a conscious decision to do so as I seem to have a natural predilection towards negative thought patterns. I acknowledged my fondness for the squirrels as I do like watching them. However, as with the cats, there will be work involved in my part of the relationship. I thought to myself how much easier it could be if there was an agreed-upon drop-off location. I continued to scan the ground for walnut shells as I imagined finding a neat little pile of shells all gathered for me.
It did not work quite that literally, but the next morning I took Baxter out as usual. I heard the familiar gnawing coming from the tree branches overhead and sighed. Without thinking, I walked with Baxter in his usual figure-eight pattern, a now familiar ritual he insists upon. I heard the squirrel squeak from above and looked up to see him drop the shell about two feet in front of me. I picked it up before Baxter even had a chance.
I like to think the squirrel looked down and winked at me... it would make a cute ending to this tale.
Manifestation.
We are what we think... just as we are what we eat.
It really can be that simple. Believe it. Try it.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Eventually I will post again.
I have so many bits and pieces started... but nothing coming together... my mind wanders from one idea to the next... I just don't know what to say anymore.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
A brilliant voice... please check out what he has to say!
Caeraeon Ash
I did consider deleting yesterday's post 'This Lonely Road'...but decided not to. It was how I felt at the time, and I did say I was going to be honest on this site - transition isn't always easy, especially when you transition outside the "trans community", either through choice or circumstance (a little of both, in my case...there's not a lot going on in my area that I can easily get to, and also, when I started transition, I deliberately kept away from other transsexuals/transgenders, in order to make the decision without any influence one way or the other - completely disproving what certain people seem to think, which is that people only transition because Trans friends 'force' them to....). If you're not 'in' the communti that much, and transition means you lose the support of your family, and even some so-called friends, it can be a lonely road. That's the simple truth of it.
But a night's sleep seems to have worked its magic, and I'm feeling considerably more cheery today, even to the point of not being too depressed about having to do housework this morning! That's all done & out the way now, and I'm just about to start playing with my new toy...a little photoprinter that makes postcards out of photographs, and can print from a computer, or a digital camera - that's an interesting change I've noticed since being on testosterone - I've got into technology and gadgets...great way to waste time!
I did consider deleting yesterday's post 'This Lonely Road'...but decided not to. It was how I felt at the time, and I did say I was going to be honest on this site - transition isn't always easy, especially when you transition outside the "trans community", either through choice or circumstance (a little of both, in my case...there's not a lot going on in my area that I can easily get to, and also, when I started transition, I deliberately kept away from other transsexuals/transgenders, in order to make the decision without any influence one way or the other - completely disproving what certain people seem to think, which is that people only transition because Trans friends 'force' them to....). If you're not 'in' the communti that much, and transition means you lose the support of your family, and even some so-called friends, it can be a lonely road. That's the simple truth of it.
But a night's sleep seems to have worked its magic, and I'm feeling considerably more cheery today, even to the point of not being too depressed about having to do housework this morning! That's all done & out the way now, and I'm just about to start playing with my new toy...a little photoprinter that makes postcards out of photographs, and can print from a computer, or a digital camera - that's an interesting change I've noticed since being on testosterone - I've got into technology and gadgets...great way to waste time!
Friday, August 27, 2010
I re-post from a blog I wrote to a non-Trans audience...
When most people think of gender identity, they are really thinking about biological sex. Sex and gender are two very different things. When you describe your sex, what you are really describing is your physical body. While most people think in terms of just female or male, there is a third category called intersex - meaning being born with ambiguous or some combination of female and male sexual organs.
Gender identity is divided into two primary categories. When the biological sex, the physical body and gender identity align the term Cisgender is used. When the physical body and gender identity conflict, the term Transgender is applied.
Sexual identity is independent of gender identity and is used in reference to preferences in sexual attraction. Homosexual, Heterosexual, Bisexual, Asexual, Lesbian, Gay and all the labels in-between, exist in both categories of gender identity.
There is a lot of confusion when it comes to terminology and labels. Hopefully this will help you, my reader, begin to understand the complexities that exist within the Transgender Community. If you have questions, please ask me. I am here to help open up this topic for discussion.
Understanding these differences is crucial to understanding the Transgender Community.
Some basic terminology that will be used in my discussions:
Butch
Masculine dress and behavior, regardless of sex or gender identity
FTM
Female to male gender change
Femme
Feminine dress and behavior, regardless of sex or gender identity
Gender dysphoria (GD)
A condition of unhappiness or discomfort experienced by one when sexual organs do not match gender identity
Gender role
Generally accepted standards that define behavior, manner of dress, thoughts and feelings for members of each sex
Genetic Boy (GB)
Informal term for Genetic Male
Genetic Male/Man (GM)
Considered male from birth independent of present sex or gender identity
Genetic Female/Woman (GF/GW)
Considered female from birth independent of present sex or gender identity
Genetic Girl (GG)
Informal term for Genetic Female
MTF
Male to female gender change
Queer
Reclaimed derogatory slang for the sexual minority community
Sexual identity/Sexual orientation/preference
Personal identity, in terms of being significantly attracted to members of the same or opposite sex
Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS)
A surgical procedure which changes one's primary sexual organs from one sex to another
Transvestite (TV)
One who mainly cross dresses for pleasure
And the topic of perpetual debate – Transgender versus Transexual (Transsexual also used as an alternate spelling). The best I way I can explain it in terms of my usage is to share it through the words of another.
Fusion magazine, Spring 2004
Transexual vs. transgender:
Explaining the Intricacies
Story by Beth Rankin
Sapphic, transgender, inverted, homoerotic, transsexual, queer – there are so many terms to consider when talking about homosexuality. Knowing what to use when and how can be confusing for the gay and straight alike.
“Transgender” and “transexual” are two terms that have been used interchangeably by heterosexuals and by unknowing members of the gay community.
“People consider ‘transgender’ and ‘transsexual’ interchangeable because people often use the words interchangeably,” says Sarah Wilcox, an assistant professor of sociology at Kent State. “The difference between them is subtle.”
Wilcox defines a transexual (also spelled “transsexual”) as “someone who identifies as male or female but whose gender identity conflicts with their biological sex – that is, they were born male or have XY chromosomes, but experience themselves as female.”
Wilcox explains that “transexual” is a more restrictive term that describes people who sometimes get medical treatment – for example, hormones or surgery to “align their internal gender identity with their physical self.”
The term “transgender,” though, applies to a wider range of gender alignment issues.
“Transgender refers to the spectrum of gender ambiguity – the various ways in which our gendered behavior, activities, dress and identities do not match up neatly with the assumption that there are two biological categories – ‘male’ and ‘female,’” Wilcox says.
She says ‘transgender’ is a broader term that can include transexuals, cross-dressers, people who are intersexed (who have some of the biological characteristics of both sexes) and “anyone from across a spectrum of gender ambiguity or non-conformity.”
Wilcox explains that the two terms cannot be used interchangeably as most people use them. While ‘transexual’ is a medical term developed by psychiatrists and psychologists, ‘transgender’ describes a social movement.
“(Transgendered) is the political component – working to create a world where greater fluidity of gender expression is welcomed and valued,” Wilcox says.
Either way, both terms describe a section of the sexual minority population seeking only to feel comfortable in their own skin.
“Some people have a strong, internal, deeply felt sense of themselves as being either male or female, while some people feel themselves to be something other than or in between entirely male or female,” Wilcox explains. “Having both words allows people to express both kinds of identities.”
Copyright Fusion magazine 2004
Links to further information and related articles:
http://www.gendertalk.com/info/tgism.shtml
http://www.gendervision.org/joomla15/
http://www.hawaii.edu/PCSS/biblio/articles/2000to2004/2002-sex-and-gender.html
Abstract
“This paper attempts to enhance understanding and communication about different sexual issues. It starts by offering definitions to common terms like sex, gender, gender identity, and sexual identity. Alternate ways to discuss one's sexual attractions are also presented. Terms are defined or redefined and examples given of their preferred use in…”
http://www.jstor.org/pss/3097016
Abstract
“In the lesbian community, one which based upon a shared sexual minority identity, recent attempts to add the category "bisexual" to the prevailing dichotomous conceptualization of sexuality have led to various popular conceptualizations of sexuality. Lesbian-identified women disagree among themselves and with bisexual-identified women over…”
When most people think of gender identity, they are really thinking about biological sex. Sex and gender are two very different things. When you describe your sex, what you are really describing is your physical body. While most people think in terms of just female or male, there is a third category called intersex - meaning being born with ambiguous or some combination of female and male sexual organs.
Gender identity is divided into two primary categories. When the biological sex, the physical body and gender identity align the term Cisgender is used. When the physical body and gender identity conflict, the term Transgender is applied.
Sexual identity is independent of gender identity and is used in reference to preferences in sexual attraction. Homosexual, Heterosexual, Bisexual, Asexual, Lesbian, Gay and all the labels in-between, exist in both categories of gender identity.
There is a lot of confusion when it comes to terminology and labels. Hopefully this will help you, my reader, begin to understand the complexities that exist within the Transgender Community. If you have questions, please ask me. I am here to help open up this topic for discussion.
Understanding these differences is crucial to understanding the Transgender Community.
Some basic terminology that will be used in my discussions:
Butch
Masculine dress and behavior, regardless of sex or gender identity
FTM
Female to male gender change
Femme
Feminine dress and behavior, regardless of sex or gender identity
Gender dysphoria (GD)
A condition of unhappiness or discomfort experienced by one when sexual organs do not match gender identity
Gender role
Generally accepted standards that define behavior, manner of dress, thoughts and feelings for members of each sex
Genetic Boy (GB)
Informal term for Genetic Male
Genetic Male/Man (GM)
Considered male from birth independent of present sex or gender identity
Genetic Female/Woman (GF/GW)
Considered female from birth independent of present sex or gender identity
Genetic Girl (GG)
Informal term for Genetic Female
MTF
Male to female gender change
Queer
Reclaimed derogatory slang for the sexual minority community
Sexual identity/Sexual orientation/preference
Personal identity, in terms of being significantly attracted to members of the same or opposite sex
Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS)
A surgical procedure which changes one's primary sexual organs from one sex to another
Transvestite (TV)
One who mainly cross dresses for pleasure
And the topic of perpetual debate – Transgender versus Transexual (Transsexual also used as an alternate spelling). The best I way I can explain it in terms of my usage is to share it through the words of another.
Fusion magazine, Spring 2004
Transexual vs. transgender:
Explaining the Intricacies
Story by Beth Rankin
Sapphic, transgender, inverted, homoerotic, transsexual, queer – there are so many terms to consider when talking about homosexuality. Knowing what to use when and how can be confusing for the gay and straight alike.
“Transgender” and “transexual” are two terms that have been used interchangeably by heterosexuals and by unknowing members of the gay community.
“People consider ‘transgender’ and ‘transsexual’ interchangeable because people often use the words interchangeably,” says Sarah Wilcox, an assistant professor of sociology at Kent State. “The difference between them is subtle.”
Wilcox defines a transexual (also spelled “transsexual”) as “someone who identifies as male or female but whose gender identity conflicts with their biological sex – that is, they were born male or have XY chromosomes, but experience themselves as female.”
Wilcox explains that “transexual” is a more restrictive term that describes people who sometimes get medical treatment – for example, hormones or surgery to “align their internal gender identity with their physical self.”
The term “transgender,” though, applies to a wider range of gender alignment issues.
“Transgender refers to the spectrum of gender ambiguity – the various ways in which our gendered behavior, activities, dress and identities do not match up neatly with the assumption that there are two biological categories – ‘male’ and ‘female,’” Wilcox says.
She says ‘transgender’ is a broader term that can include transexuals, cross-dressers, people who are intersexed (who have some of the biological characteristics of both sexes) and “anyone from across a spectrum of gender ambiguity or non-conformity.”
Wilcox explains that the two terms cannot be used interchangeably as most people use them. While ‘transexual’ is a medical term developed by psychiatrists and psychologists, ‘transgender’ describes a social movement.
“(Transgendered) is the political component – working to create a world where greater fluidity of gender expression is welcomed and valued,” Wilcox says.
Either way, both terms describe a section of the sexual minority population seeking only to feel comfortable in their own skin.
“Some people have a strong, internal, deeply felt sense of themselves as being either male or female, while some people feel themselves to be something other than or in between entirely male or female,” Wilcox explains. “Having both words allows people to express both kinds of identities.”
Copyright Fusion magazine 2004
Links to further information and related articles:
http://www.gendertalk.com/info/tgism.shtml
http://www.gendervision.org/joomla15/
http://www.hawaii.edu/PCSS/biblio/articles/2000to2004/2002-sex-and-gender.html
Abstract
“This paper attempts to enhance understanding and communication about different sexual issues. It starts by offering definitions to common terms like sex, gender, gender identity, and sexual identity. Alternate ways to discuss one's sexual attractions are also presented. Terms are defined or redefined and examples given of their preferred use in…”
http://www.jstor.org/pss/3097016
Abstract
“In the lesbian community, one which based upon a shared sexual minority identity, recent attempts to add the category "bisexual" to the prevailing dichotomous conceptualization of sexuality have led to various popular conceptualizations of sexuality. Lesbian-identified women disagree among themselves and with bisexual-identified women over…”
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Trans and SOFFAs: Stealth
Trans and SOFFAs: Stealth: "I catch myself wondering about trans people who choose to go stealth. When does one actually take it to this level? Is it when they are bein..."
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
So I haven't posted new content...
Just trust me, it's in the works... I'm just going in too many different directions at the moment. I need to re-focus and finish one thing before starting another...
Friday, July 23, 2010
Trans and SOFFAs: Pronouns
Trans and SOFFAs: Pronouns: "I find myself wondering about pronouns in the trans community. Things such as wondering whether or not some trans people, are still okay wit..."
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Transgender symbols - because someone asked me...
Transgender symbols
Popular transgender symbols, used to identify transvestites, transsexuals, and other transgender people, frequently consist of modified gender symbols combining elements from both the male and female symbols. The most popular version, originating from a drawing by Holly Boswell, depicts a circle with an arrow projecting from the top-right, as per the male symbol, a cross projecting from the bottom, as per the female symbol, and with an additional striked arrow (combining the female cross and male arrow) projecting from the top-left.
Another transgender symbol is the Transgender Pride flag designed by Monica Helms, and first shown at a pride parade in Phoenix, Arizona, USA in 2000. The flag represents the transgender community and consists of five horizontal stripes, two light blue, two pink, with a white stripe in the center. Helms described the meaning of the flag as follows:
| “ | The light blue is the traditional color for baby boys, pink is for girls, and the white in the middle is for those who are transitioning, those who feel they have a neutral gender or no gender, and those who are intersex. The pattern is such that no matter which way you fly it, it will always be correct. This symbolizes us trying to find correctness in our own lives.[cite this quote] | ” |
Other transgender symbols include the butterfly (symbolizing transformation or metamorphosis), and a pink/light blue yin and yang symbol.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_symbol#Transgender_symbols
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Division in the SOFFA community
I posted to a SO (significant other) group I recently joined and my views and opinion were slammed by a couple of members. I knew what was coming - but I didn't expect - as one member posted - to be referred to a different group. Upon joining I agreed not to disclose discussions - so I can not post the thread - but these are my words in response - and no one can tell me I can not share them.
So if my opinion differs in any way from you I am not welcome here??? It's attitudes like this that divide our community instead of uniting it. Just as other responses claim this to be a place to rant and/or vent - is it not my place to do the same?
Trust me - my response came from a deeply emotional place as I have a dear friend (FTM) who is battling the [same] issue with his girlfriend for reasons much like the post that started this thread - and I see his pain as he struggles to be both the man he needs to be while trying to be whatever it is she feels comfortable with.
Why should my reason for saying what I say matter?
This kind of rejection and hostility is exactly what I refuse to tolerate - it is childish and immature - and it may be only the voice of a few - but after almost 8 years I feel I have experiences that many of you are yet to find - instead of rejection I would like to think that a group like this would be a place open enough to listen and not judge - and it is why I opt to stay here for discussion rather than leave as many other SOs do in my position - but most of you don't know that - because you aren't really open to understanding anyone who thinks outside of your proverbial box.
I'm hoping some feedback from outside sources may help me deal with the anger I feel.
So if my opinion differs in any way from you I am not welcome here??? It's attitudes like this that divide our community instead of uniting it. Just as other responses claim this to be a place to rant and/or vent - is it not my place to do the same?
Trust me - my response came from a deeply emotional place as I have a dear friend (FTM) who is battling the [same] issue with his girlfriend for reasons much like the post that started this thread - and I see his pain as he struggles to be both the man he needs to be while trying to be whatever it is she feels comfortable with.
Why should my reason for saying what I say matter?
This kind of rejection and hostility is exactly what I refuse to tolerate - it is childish and immature - and it may be only the voice of a few - but after almost 8 years I feel I have experiences that many of you are yet to find - instead of rejection I would like to think that a group like this would be a place open enough to listen and not judge - and it is why I opt to stay here for discussion rather than leave as many other SOs do in my position - but most of you don't know that - because you aren't really open to understanding anyone who thinks outside of your proverbial box.
I'm hoping some feedback from outside sources may help me deal with the anger I feel.
Stone Butch Blues inspired me to write
I’m sitting here crying – just sat down - getting home after a day of running errands – and earlier today while getting my hair done crackberry lets me know i have facebook notifications...
Between You and Leslie Feinberg
Leslie Feinberg July 17 at 12:20pm
Thank you for extending your FB handshake to me. I'm so ill right now (info in my FB notes) that all I can say is: I appreciate our connection. -- Leslie
leslie feinberg friended me on facebook – i just automatically requested i don’t know when – and i forgot about it –
i don’t want to feel like i so blindly missed my chance to to have such an important moment
i thought i could wait until i got home – to read the facebook notes for info – i tried on crackberry but it was slow and hard to read – and i figured it was best to wait until i got home on the computer – and i could know what was going on before replying –
and yes – as soon as i got home – i went to facebook –
Leslie Feinberg Health alert: Heart problems are forcing me to shut down interactivity on my fb wall and will keep me from posting more information for at least a week.
When I do resume with a health update, I will post to a new page that will be easier for me to maintain because you can add yourselves as friends at any time: "Leslie Feinberg on facebook."
i’m conflicted and can’t figure out what my issue is and why this moment seems so tragic and i feel like i missed my chance to connect – i didn’t reply on the spot – it didn’t really dawn on me that leslie feinberg was on facebook at that moment and i could have replied – i could have known that i actually communicated with my inspiration –
then i realized instead of feeling like i missed something – glass half empty thinking – i should feel good and be thankful that someone who is this almost mythic monumental icon to me took the time to write a note - to me –
i’m learning to see the glass really is half full...
i went to the new public facebook page... and posted on the wall there...
Sara Soffa and we just connected this morning... by the time i got home everything was gone... i thank you for taking the time to add me... as a writer you are my inspiration... i hope you know how much the words you sent mean... all my love and whatever strength i can send are sent to you...
I found these words later - from the original Leslie Feinberg facebook page - no longer accessible - and knew the glass was full - completely full...
why I friended you
Monday, July 20, 2009 at 3:29pm
Thank you for returning my handshake of friendship on facebook. I friended you because I want to personally explain my health situation and because I want to establish an ongoing connection with you. I haven't been able to answer many emails since October 2007 because of severe illness.
After 30 years of having my personhood pathologized by doctors, now scientific evidence-based care from a medical group that has treated me with respect and compassion quickly revealed diagnoses:
Lyme disease, Babesiosis, Bartonella, parasitic infection and damage from years of long treatments with antibiotics for recurring, potentially life-threatening infections. Lyme is a spirochete, similar to syphilis--difficult to treat after 30 years of infection. Babesiosis is similar to malaria, and Bartonella is a relative of WWI trench fever.
After years of weight gain accompanying the illnesses, I've lost a third of my body weight since February 2008, and at this time I'm still wasting. More diagnostic work continues.
I had wanted to send you an individual, personal message about why I befriended you at this time, and why it is important to me to keep our connection alive in the face of the struggles that confront us. But I'm battling for ounces right now. And at this time, it's becoming more difficult to use text to communicate on a daily basis.
If you've sent me a message, or written on my wall, and I haven't responded, I want you to know that I didn't friend you in order to slight you or take you for granted. I'm planning live-time opportunities to get online and be able to chat with you, even briefly. I'm hoping to see you--online or in person--on September 5 with a live feed. (more details when available at:http://wwwtransgenderwarrior.org/). And I'll post dates and times in advance on FB to let you know when I'm planning to be online and can chat.
It's a lot easier for me to communicate using photographs and computer code. I was thrilled to see the first photo tag from a friend on my wall. You'll find more photos, video and other information on my web site.
While I'm not online, I have help organizing, digitizing, and archiving information that people have asked me for in the last year-and-a-half. Thanks to the help of Torry Mendoza, it's being posted on my web site as a communication hub.
My connection with you matters to me. And as long as the struggle continues, and as long as I can draw a breath, you'll find me there.
in solidarity and struggle,
Leslie Feinberg
http://www.transgenderwarrior.org/
Let me begin by forewarning you of the following:
I am a writer at heart and my entries can be long - and kind of manic in the flow of thought - I over-use the hyphen and ellipses in an attempt to help you read through my randomness. The hyphens show you where to pause and prepare to shift a bit - most of the time - (case in point) - but not always (ditto).
But then again a reader like you gets it - without explanation. Or not?
(Noticing I also like to use hyphenated words - and parentheses)
I often doubt my spelling and the spell check before posting agrees - but it can't spell the words I want either - so I don't feel so bad.
Be honest - before we start - am I going to drive you crazy?
I am a writer at heart and my entries can be long - and kind of manic in the flow of thought - I over-use the hyphen and ellipses in an attempt to help you read through my randomness. The hyphens show you where to pause and prepare to shift a bit - most of the time - (case in point) - but not always (ditto).
But then again a reader like you gets it - without explanation. Or not?
(Noticing I also like to use hyphenated words - and parentheses)
I often doubt my spelling and the spell check before posting agrees - but it can't spell the words I want either - so I don't feel so bad.
Be honest - before we start - am I going to drive you crazy?
Reading, to me, is essential. Yes, in today's world you can find all the information you need online in almost every situation. Books are dying... a lost art trying to compete in a world of technology and convenience. I love my online world, but for me reality is in my spare room - the library of sorts, though in this small space I have more boxes than shelves - not for lack of trying - but the collection grows more quickly than the husband can build shelves... and in this part I tried to write more formally but it just makes me pause - in thought - so I will stay true to my hyphens –
My focus in discussion is FTM/SO – though I am open to discussion in any transgender related areas – I know best what I know from the personal perspective. My use of SO is purposeful and direct. SOFFA is an acronym that stands for Significant Others, Friends, Family & Allies - and the "O" sound is not the 'couch' sounding "O" - more like 'loft' - so just make sure when you say it you don't make us sound like furniture... but my primary concern is the SO part - the intrinsic complexity in being involved in the trans community at such a deep, personal level.
I warned you - long entries. This is just the intro.
Let me continue by telling you a bit more about myself and how I got here - posting my words somewhat anonymously yet sharing more than I ever have in such a public manner...
I can get obsessive with the internet. I recognize this and have recently kept myself in check - Telling myself I'm an adult and can't be up all night and make it to work in the morning like I could when I was younger. Then I get absolutely smacked in the face with the concept that I... Me... The Princess said "when I was younger".
Then reality sets in. There is no place to go in the morning. My job of 9 years ceased at the end of February when the store I managed was closed...
I am not a non-worker. I have a BA and really did try to fund my Masters years ago. It just never happened. But I am fixing that now - applications soon to be processed. I got stuck in working for a living not living for my work. I don't miss the job I had and did well... What I miss is the huge part of my identity I tied into the job.
Maybe I'm rambling too much - but what I want to say to you is - I'm not some loser-glued-to-the-computer-24/7... I have focused my energies into producing written words... and freelance writing sounds so much more productive than unemployed.
My head is spinning with ideas I want to share with you... This is crazy.
Then reality sets in. There is no place to go in the morning. My job of 9 years ceased at the end of February when the store I managed was closed...
I am not a non-worker. I have a BA and really did try to fund my Masters years ago. It just never happened. But I am fixing that now - applications soon to be processed. I got stuck in working for a living not living for my work. I don't miss the job I had and did well... What I miss is the huge part of my identity I tied into the job.
Maybe I'm rambling too much - but what I want to say to you is - I'm not some loser-glued-to-the-computer-24/7... I have focused my energies into producing written words... and freelance writing sounds so much more productive than unemployed.
My head is spinning with ideas I want to share with you... This is crazy.
I am a girly girl. I always have been and always will - I love to shop - shoes and purses especially - expensive preferred but not always possible. I love cosmetics and do not go out of the house without. My toes are always pedicured - at least during months when sandals and peep-toes are possible. I do confess my hands have a bit of a gardener's look currently as I've had to find something to do with my time - but you get the idea...
And yes... Cliché as it may be... My favorite color truly is pink.
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