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Trans and SOFFAs: Stealth

Trans and SOFFAs: Stealth: "I catch myself wondering about trans people who choose to go stealth. When does one actually take it to this level? Is it when they are bein..."

So I haven't posted new content...

Just trust me, it's in the works... I'm just going in too many different directions at the moment.  I need to re-focus and finish one thing before starting another...

Trans and SOFFAs: Pronouns

Trans and SOFFAs: Pronouns: "I find myself wondering about pronouns in the trans community. Things such as wondering whether or not some trans people, are still okay wit..."

Transgender symbols - because someone asked me...

Transgender symbols

Popular transgender symbols, used to identify transvestites, transsexuals, and other transgender people, frequently consist of modified gender symbols combining elements from both the male and female symbols. The most popular version, originating from a drawing by Holly Boswell, depicts a circle with an arrow projecting from the top-right, as per the male symbol, a cross projecting from the bottom, as per the female symbol, and with an additional striked arrow (combining the female cross and male arrow) projecting from the top-left.

Another transgender symbol is the Transgender Pride flag designed by Monica Helms, and first shown at a pride parade in Phoenix, Arizona, USA in 2000. The flag represents the transgender community and consists of five horizontal stripes, two light blue, two pink, with a white stripe in the center. Helms described the meaning of the flag as follows:

“

The light blue is the traditional color for baby boys, pink is for girls, and the white in the middle is for those who are transitioning, those who feel they have a neutral gender or no gender, and those who are intersex. The pattern is such that no matter which way you fly it, it will always be correct. This symbolizes us trying to find correctness in our own lives.[cite this quote]

”

Other transgender symbols include the butterfly (symbolizing transformation or metamorphosis), and a pink/light blue yin and yang symbol.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_symbol#Transgender_symbols

Division in the SOFFA community

I posted to a SO (significant other) group I recently joined and my views and opinion were slammed by a couple of members. I knew what was coming - but I didn't expect - as one member posted - to be referred to a different group. Upon joining I agreed not to disclose discussions - so I can not post the thread - but these are my words in response - and no one can tell me I can not share them.

So if my opinion differs in any way from you I am not welcome here??? It's attitudes like this that divide our community instead of uniting it. Just as other responses claim this to be a place to rant and/or vent - is it not my place to do the same?

Trust me - my response came from a deeply emotional place as I have a dear friend (FTM) who is battling the [same] issue with his girlfriend for reasons much like the post that started this thread - and I see his pain as he struggles to be both the man he needs to be while trying to be whatever it is she feels comfortable with.

Why should my reason for saying what I say matter?

This kind of rejection and hostility is exactly what I refuse to tolerate - it is childish and immature - and it may be only the voice of a few - but after almost 8 years I feel I have experiences that many of you are yet to find - instead of rejection I would like to think that a group like this would be a place open enough to listen and not judge - and it is why I opt to stay here for discussion rather than leave as many other SOs do in my position - but most of you don't know that - because you aren't really open to understanding anyone who thinks outside of your proverbial box.

I'm hoping some feedback from outside sources may help me deal with the anger I feel.

Stone Butch Blues inspired me to write

I’m sitting here crying – just sat down - getting home after a day of running errands – and earlier today while getting my hair done crackberry lets me know i have facebook notifications...

Between You and Leslie Feinberg

Leslie Feinberg July 17 at 12:20pm

Thank you for extending your FB handshake to me. I'm so ill right now (info in my FB notes) that all I can say is: I appreciate our connection. -- Leslie

leslie feinberg friended me on facebook – i just automatically requested i don’t know when – and i forgot about it –

i don’t want to feel like i so blindly missed my chance to to have such an important moment

i thought i could wait until i got home – to read the facebook notes for info – i tried on crackberry but it was slow and hard to read – and i figured it was best to wait until i got home on the computer – and i could know what was going on before replying –

and yes – as soon as i got home – i went to facebook –

Leslie Feinberg Health alert: Heart problems are forcing me to shut down interactivity on my fb wall and will keep me from posting more information for at least a week.

When I do resume with a health update, I will post to a new page that will be easier for me to maintain because you can add yourselves as friends at any time: "Leslie Feinberg on facebook."


i’m conflicted and can’t figure out what my issue is and why this moment seems so tragic and i feel like i missed my chance to connect – i didn’t reply on the spot – it didn’t really dawn on me that leslie feinberg was on facebook at that moment and i could have replied – i could have known that i actually communicated with my inspiration –

then i realized instead of feeling like i missed something – glass half empty thinking – i should feel good and be thankful that someone who is this almost mythic monumental icon to me took the time to write a note - to me –

i’m learning to see the glass really is half full...

i went to the new public facebook page... and posted on the wall there...

Sara Soffa and we just connected this morning... by the time i got home everything was gone... i thank you for taking the time to add me... as a writer you are my inspiration... i hope you know how much the words you sent mean... all my love and whatever strength i can send are sent to you...

I found these words later - from the original Leslie Feinberg facebook page - no longer accessible - and knew the glass was full - completely full...

why I friended you

Monday, July 20, 2009 at 3:29pm

Thank you for returning my handshake of friendship on facebook. I friended you because I want to personally explain my health situation and because I want to establish an ongoing connection with you. I haven't been able to answer many emails since October 2007 because of severe illness.

After 30 years of having my personhood pathologized by doctors, now scientific evidence-based care from a medical group that has treated me with respect and compassion quickly revealed diagnoses:

Lyme disease, Babesiosis, Bartonella, parasitic infection and damage from years of long treatments with antibiotics for recurring, potentially life-threatening infections. Lyme is a spirochete, similar to syphilis--difficult to treat after 30 years of infection. Babesiosis is similar to malaria, and Bartonella is a relative of WWI trench fever.

After years of weight gain accompanying the illnesses, I've lost a third of my body weight since February 2008, and at this time I'm still wasting. More diagnostic work continues.

I had wanted to send you an individual, personal message about why I befriended you at this time, and why it is important to me to keep our connection alive in the face of the struggles that confront us. But I'm battling for ounces right now. And at this time, it's becoming more difficult to use text to communicate on a daily basis.

If you've sent me a message, or written on my wall, and I haven't responded, I want you to know that I didn't friend you in order to slight you or take you for granted. I'm planning live-time opportunities to get online and be able to chat with you, even briefly. I'm hoping to see you--online or in person--on September 5 with a live feed. (more details when available at:http://wwwtransgenderwarrior.org/). And I'll post dates and times in advance on FB to let you know when I'm planning to be online and can chat.

It's a lot easier for me to communicate using photographs and computer code. I was thrilled to see the first photo tag from a friend on my wall. You'll find more photos, video and other information on my web site.

While I'm not online, I have help organizing, digitizing, and archiving information that people have asked me for in the last year-and-a-half. Thanks to the help of Torry Mendoza, it's being posted on my web site as a communication hub.

My connection with you matters to me. And as long as the struggle continues, and as long as I can draw a breath, you'll find me there.

in solidarity and struggle,
Leslie Feinberg
http://www.transgenderwarrior.org/

Let me begin by forewarning you of the following:

I am a writer at heart and my entries can be long - and kind of manic in the flow of thought - I over-use the hyphen and ellipses in an attempt to help you read through my randomness. The hyphens show you where to pause and prepare to shift a bit - most of the time - (case in point) - but not always (ditto).

But then again a reader like you gets it - without explanation. Or not?

(Noticing I also like to use hyphenated words - and parentheses)

I often doubt my spelling and the spell check before posting agrees - but it can't spell the words I want either - so I don't feel so bad.

Be honest - before we start - am I going to drive you crazy?

Reading, to me, is essential. Yes, in today's world you can find all the information you need online in almost every situation. Books are dying... a lost art trying to compete in a world of technology and convenience. I love my online world, but for me reality is in my spare room - the library of sorts, though in this small space I have more boxes than shelves - not for lack of trying - but the collection grows more quickly than the husband can build shelves... and in this part I tried to write more formally but it just makes me pause - in thought - so I will stay true to my hyphens –

My focus in discussion is FTM/SO – though I am open to discussion in any transgender related areas – I know best what I know from the personal perspective. My use of SO is purposeful and direct. SOFFA is an acronym that stands for Significant Others, Friends, Family & Allies - and the "O" sound is not the 'couch' sounding "O" - more like 'loft' - so just make sure when you say it you don't make us sound like furniture... but my primary concern is the SO part - the intrinsic complexity in being involved in the trans community at such a deep, personal level.

I warned you - long entries. This is just the intro.

Let me continue by telling you a bit more about myself and how I got here - posting my words somewhat anonymously yet sharing more than I ever have in such a public manner...

I can get obsessive with the internet. I recognize this and have recently kept myself in check - Telling myself I'm an adult and can't be up all night and make it to work in the morning like I could when I was younger. Then I get absolutely smacked in the face with the concept that I... Me... The Princess said "when I was younger".

Then reality sets in. There is no place to go in the morning. My job of 9 years ceased at the end of February when the store I managed was closed...

I am not a non-worker. I have a BA and really did try to fund my Masters years ago. It just never happened. But I am fixing that now - applications soon to be processed. I got stuck in working for a living not living for my work. I don't miss the job I had and did well... What I miss is the huge part of my identity I tied into the job.

Maybe I'm rambling too much - but what I want to say to you is - I'm not some loser-glued-to-the-computer-24/7... I have focused my energies into producing written words... and freelance writing sounds so much more productive than unemployed.

My head is spinning with ideas I want to share with you... This is crazy.

I am a girly girl. I always have been and always will - I love to shop - shoes and purses especially - expensive preferred but not always possible. I love cosmetics and do not go out of the house without. My toes are always pedicured - at least during months when sandals and peep-toes are possible. I do confess my hands have a bit of a gardener's look currently as I've had to find something to do with my time - but you get the idea...

And yes... Cliché as it may be... My favorite color truly is pink.